I remember when my kids were little it took so much longer to have them help me empty the dishwasher or sweep the floor than if I’d just have done it myself. But, I had read how important it was for kids to do chores, so (most of the time) I took the time to have them help me.
I’m so glad I did! Not just because it’s really nice on a hectic night to have four little helpers chopping vegetables, putting away clean dishes, and running out an overflowing bag of garbage while I try to get dinner on the table, but, more importantly, because it’s good for them.
Kids need to feel like important members of the family, like they are needed and they belong. The best way for kids to feel this way is to contribute to the family by doing chores, which Love and Logic calls “contributions.”
Contributions also helps children learn to help others and grow into good citizens. Children who contribute to the family develop a work ethic that makes them more successful in school and in future work. A 20 year study from the University of Minnesota found that the best predictor of adult success was whether they had begun doing chores at an early age.
Contributions help kids have a greater sense of self-esteem and a sense of loyalty to the family. A 75-year Harvard study examined what psychosocial variables and biological processes from earlier in life predict health and well-being later in life. Researchers found that children who were given chores became more independent adults.
In the last newsletter about allowance, I cautioned you not to pay your children for the contributions they do. That’s because when kids get paid for their contributions, it takes away many of the benefits they get from helping without pay. Think of it this way: Do you want your kids thinking, “I do this because I am a needed member of this family” or “I do this because I get two dollars”?
Years ago, I read a line in a Love and Logic, that I often say to my kids. If one of them begins to protest that the job I asked them to do is supposed to be on of their siblings' jobs or that they've helped more than a sibling, I just have to begin, "In our family..." And they'll give me a little eye roll and finish,
"We help each other because we love each other and we need each other."
